The Color Of Hunger

There once was a 502 pound bear named Yogi Bareass. (Everybody called him Bareass for short, cuz he usually waddled around naked. ’Twas all good though cuz his rolls covered everything that needed to be covered.)

One bright morning in December, Yogi woke up from his bed and ran outside because ‘wow’ it was snowing. Once he got outside, he noticed he was nippin’, but this was no ordinary nippin’. Yogi’s nipples (all 4 of them; he had a double nip on each side) had frozen solid and turned white.

Yogi was freaking out and couldn’t stop touching them. So he decided to go visit his old friend Hershey. She was a 2,000 pound cow. Yogi arrived at Hershey’s pasture about 3.5 hours later, even though she lived like 2 houses down. (His thighs were chaffing, so he had to stop to rub lotion on them along the way.) When he told her about his problem, she was like, “I think I can help. Bend down here so I can take a lick. Errr…look.” When Yogi bent over, Hershey licked all his frozen nipples and turned them all back to normal again. Amen.