Archive for June 2009
So I wake up at like 11ish. By Mom. Excited and ancy over how the family’s taking a trip to the pet store. For Angelfish. For her new fish tank she got off Craigslist less than 24 hours ago. I swear to god the woman’s hypnotized by it. It’s crazy, but hey atleast it’s a healthy obsession, right? Right? Haha.
So we get to NW Seed And Pet and come out holding 7 water baggies full of these freaky-ass fish whose species name I can’t even pronounce. “They’ll be fine in those bags, right? They have enough oxygen, correct? Go faster honey, I think Goldy’s too cold.” Not even kidding you, she was worried about these damn creatures the entire way home.
Mentally scarred from all the ridiculous questions Mom was blindly asking (not one was answered), we get home and the second the key kissed the door, she was off and running. It was like returning home from an intense heist but instead of money and drugs, she toted 1 pound water bags housing exotic fish. Haha! So there we are surrounding the fish tank, all 5 of us, closely watching Mom drop these guys one by one into the tank. Keep in mind that one of the fish in the tank prior to all the new additions is a puffer. And puffers are not the friendliest of folk.
About four fish in, she drops in this beautiful Tetra, the pride and joy of todays family outing. Everything’s fine and peachy for the first couple of seconds. Suddenly Mr. Puffer goes psycho. And I mean absolutely bat-shit. The poor Tetra is launched into oblivion as she tries to outswim the puffer’s deadly wrath. But it’s too late. Tetra is dead. Mom is in shock. And I am laughing my ass off. Laughing my fucking ass off! You have no idea. I seriously couldn’t stop. There’s something about wicked fast little fish fighting each other that hits both my funny bones at the same time. Haha!
After the horrific manslaughter of Tetra, Mom began solemnly scooping her bloody remains from the bottom of the tank and remained silent for the rest of the day. Although she hasn’t plotted any revenge on Mr. Puffer….yet….mwahahahaha!
The body preserves the soul within,
Creeping and crawling, resisting a grin,
My conscious is warm now, it tells me to speak,
Holding torn hands in the land of the weak.
Look on up Jimmy, there’s nothing to fear,
It’s okay to be scared though, just don’t drop a tear,
People will hate you, they’ll tear you apart,
Then glue you back together, but minus the heart.
Xavier wasn’t the smartest kid to call Maplewood High School his own. To tell you the truth, he was practically the only 18-year-old to not have graduated in the little town of Kumina.
One day, while walking home from smoking dope downtown, Xavier witnessed a brutal hobo beating in the park. One hobo was even clever enough to take off his nasty hobo hat and was now using it to take bets on his buddy’s fight. Xavier rushed over to place a bet of his own, but had no cash due to the dub he had purchased earlier. “I’ll pay in weed man, I’ll pay in weed!!!” exclaimed Xavier as he frantically searched for his purchase. The bookie took his ‘dirty money’ and Xavier was in!
The bums fought viciously for close to five rounds, nearing six. The one that had the shark-tooth necklace seemed to have given up. Good thing Xavier bet on the other hobo! Forty bucks, seven bums, two hours later, Xavier looked back on his day as an overall success and cracked a smile. “Life is good, man. Plain and fucking simple.”