Archive for the ‘Memories And Anecdotes’ Category
Wow. Today my blog has reached the 1,000 views milestone. This, is pretty fucking awesome considering I write about only once a month. And when I do it’s usually nonsense. Like that last sentence. And this one. And this one as well. Haha.
Hmmm, what’s new in my life? Absolutely nothing. Haha, just kidding. About a month ago I purchased my very first car. A red 1995 Chrysler LeBaron convertible. 118,500 miles. $2,300 cash.
I LOVE IT.
On the 20th of August, my two best friends and I took a road trip down to Oregon to visit a friend of ours who’s gonna be a freshman this year at Portland State University. Was the funniest trip EVER.
Saturday morning, we rode the MAX down to the street markets taking place in the heart of downtown Portland. It’s rather strange how the bigger the city gets, the meaner the people become. Everybody is always in everybody else’s way. All the time. And then you got SO many different personalities. The artists, the pessimists, the shy people, the confident. It’s incredible.
There was this artist on one of the corners who drew all of her pictures with numbers. Millions of different sizes of numbers. All blended together to create one huge image. It reminded me of pixels on a TV. I can only imagine how patient/dedicated/passionate you’d hafta be to finish just ONE of her pieces. The creativity behind ‘em was very inspiring.
Sunday afternoon, we headed out to Cannon Beach. I cannot describe in words how fucking awesome it is to drive the 101 in a convertible. The weather couldn’t have been better either. When we got to the beach it was low 80′s with no wind and clear skies as far as the eye could see. The sun made the humidity almost unnoticeable. The ocean was still hella cold tho. HELLA cold. But that didn’t stop us from getting in. Of course not, duh.
Halibut was dinner, salt water taffy was dessert. After the sun disappeared, we grabbed sleeping bags from the trunk and slept right on the sand. Under hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of shiny white stars. T’was amazing. You know those moments in life where time is no longer a factor and nothing troublesome exists anymore, nothing bad can happen anywhere remotely close to where you are? Hakuna matata? Well, that night was my moment. Replay it a thousand times and it STILL would be just as exciting as the first.
However, all good things must come to an end. Mr. Reality must return sometime, right? Haha. So we took a final stroll down the beach and headed home. Eastbound Spokane, 350 miles. Amen.
Buy the biggest plastic Mountain Dew bottle you can find. (It doesn’t hafta be Mountain Dew, anything light in color will do just fine.)
Peel the label off gently, making sure not to rip or bend any part of it.
Scan the label with the printer and open it with Photoshop or any program that allows you to add text to yer image.
Smudge out the ingredients section and replace them with yer notes.
Print off yer ‘new and improved’ label and re-stick it in the same spot it was before. (I always used a small piece of double-sided scotch tape. It looked the best cuz it fit perfectly and I wouldn’t have any excess tape hanging off the sides.)
So I wake up at like 11ish. By Mom. Excited and ancy over how the family’s taking a trip to the pet store. For Angelfish. For her new fish tank she got off Craigslist less than 24 hours ago. I swear to god the woman’s hypnotized by it. It’s crazy, but hey atleast it’s a healthy obsession, right? Right? Haha.
So we get to NW Seed And Pet and come out holding 7 water baggies full of these freaky-ass fish whose species name I can’t even pronounce. “They’ll be fine in those bags, right? They have enough oxygen, correct? Go faster honey, I think Goldy’s too cold.” Not even kidding you, she was worried about these damn creatures the entire way home.
Mentally scarred from all the ridiculous questions Mom was blindly asking (not one was answered), we get home and the second the key kissed the door, she was off and running. It was like returning home from an intense heist but instead of money and drugs, she toted 1 pound water bags housing exotic fish. Haha! So there we are surrounding the fish tank, all 5 of us, closely watching Mom drop these guys one by one into the tank. Keep in mind that one of the fish in the tank prior to all the new additions is a puffer. And puffers are not the friendliest of folk.
About four fish in, she drops in this beautiful Tetra, the pride and joy of todays family outing. Everything’s fine and peachy for the first couple of seconds. Suddenly Mr. Puffer goes psycho. And I mean absolutely bat-shit. The poor Tetra is launched into oblivion as she tries to outswim the puffer’s deadly wrath. But it’s too late. Tetra is dead. Mom is in shock. And I am laughing my ass off. Laughing my fucking ass off! You have no idea. I seriously couldn’t stop. There’s something about wicked fast little fish fighting each other that hits both my funny bones at the same time. Haha!
After the horrific manslaughter of Tetra, Mom began solemnly scooping her bloody remains from the bottom of the tank and remained silent for the rest of the day. Although she hasn’t plotted any revenge on Mr. Puffer….yet….mwahahahaha!
I remember this one time, I think I was like 9 or 10 years old. I had this awesome toy chest that I put all my toys inside of. It even had a sweet little lock on the front part. Well, one night I dug all my toys out and attempted to climb inside. Notta; I was too big. So of course I go and get my brother.
He fit perfectly with about an inch to spare in each corner. “K, now let me shut it”, I remember telling him. So I shut it, and locked it as well. About 5 seconds in, he started freaking out cuz I had overlooked the fact that my nifty chest had no air circulation when closed. Well, whenever you applied pressure from the bottom up, the lock tightened, cuz that’s just the way it was designed I guess. So there he was, screaming and suffocating, while I helplessly screamed back at him, “Stop moving!!!” Finally, I realized I wasn’t strong enough to get him out, so I ran and got Dad. He seriously took one pull to get Austin out. There Austin sat, all red and crying, and me, pretty much the same.
I remember Dad was pissed at me the rest of the evening, and so was Mom. So I wrapped my bed sheet around me and slept behind my bedroom door that night. I’m still not sure why. I think I was trying to punish myself for what I put my brother through by not allowing myself to sleep on the bed. Genius. Ahahahaha!