(My best friend Bree and her step-mom remodeled their downstairs bathroom about a week before New Year’s. It looks really nice and smells even nicer. So I was forced to write her an appreciation letter.)
Written on December 31st, 2009 during the trip down to Tri-Cities…
I am totally diggin’ the new look of yer bathroom. The shades of brown, like, make the place come alive. I half-expected the toilet to wish me a happy new year after doing my business in there this morning. In fact, my whole day was instantly made ten times better just by stepping foot in there. The sheer awesomeness of the interior blindsided me, like when people answer the ‘how are you’ question in the negative. I actually forgot what I went in there for in the first place. But then I remembered. It’s a good thing I chose yer bathroom over the upstairs one, too. It was the most peaceful pot experience yet; I became one with the toilet. It was quite magical.
Hopefully, I’ll have a bathroom like yers when I get to heaven. If God cuts me short on this one, I’m gonna be super pissed. Even if my afterlife consists of a gigantic mansion with built-in elevators and an indoor football field, it wouldn’t be the same with just a ‘normal’ bathroom. Life (or afterlife, I guess) would suck. If God gave me the choice of having the mansion or having a bathroom like yers, I’d pick the bathroom, no question.
Hell, I’d even be content living in there. You bet yer ass I would. Pshh, screw the mansion, I got me Sue’s bathroom. Sure the bathtub wouldn’t be the most comfortable choice for a bed, and I suppose starvation would kill me off after a few days, but until then I’d be a pretty happy kid. A pretty happy kid indeed.