Archive for April 2009
Well eventually it had to happen cuz every stoner has one right? Haha. Well enjoy.
1 – Fuck, I am soooo hungry.
2 – “Is it frowned upon out here to eat deodorant?”
3 – Bong hits for Jesus!
4 – “I swear, Stralser knows I’m high you guys.”
5 – Bruh choking from the dank shit.
6 – The Dollar Tree.
7 – The candy aisle inside the Dollar Tree.
10 – The Beatles.
12 – MOO NIGGA!
13 – Jesus Christ, I’m still stoned.
14 – Rohto.
15 – I enjoy writing so much better when I’m high.
16 – I wish everything was less expensive.
17 – Fat people depress me.
18 – …And they lived of Crunch And Munch.
19 – Wake and bake.
20 – “Bruh, you should let myself run around in the wheatfields.”
21 – Bic lighters.
22 – Cream and wine cigars.
23 – The Dollar Menu kicks ass.
24 – Some things just make more sense when yer high.
25 – And some things don’t.
32 – Bruh’s jeep smells like old good times.
33 – I don’t trust people who don’t like music.
34 – No one listens to my ideas. Ever.
35 – Fuck. Ing. A.
40 – Erasers and apple juice.
44 – Fresh outta the oven, Sally.
45 – “Whos cookie’s on the floor?”
46 – Cottonmouth of the eyes.
47 – And the lungs.
48 – Fuckin’ cotton lung, man.
49 – Christ Christ Jesus….Christ.
53 – I don’t think you understand what’s going on here. I don’t sell pot. I sell dreams.
54 – Oh yea, and I sell pot.
55 – “Did you drop a cookie?”
62 – It’s colder than Frosty’s dick out here!
63 – I can’t remember the last story I wrote.
64 – I read it over again, too.
65 – Forty-six times.
70 – Friendly fire isn’t friendly. Nope.
77 – Jeez, these drawings are like super fucking amazing.
82 – Away to the mountains we go!
83 – Yer trippin’ balls….man….man….man….man.
84 – Mickey + Minnie.
86 – Too much brain in my head.
87 – Just because I don’t remember shit doesn’t mean I’m dumb.
93 – Exclamation marks are just upside-down birthday candles.
96 – “Oh my god, what if I died cuz I thought I couldn’t swallow anymore?”
98 – Cash that shit.
99 – Prime Time time.
103 – Let’s take a picture.
104 – Together.
105 – In this room.
110 – You got the most straightest face on yer look.
111 – “Did yu bowl good?”
112 – “Yea.”
113 – “No.”
125 – I think this shit was laced.
126 – With flour.
Hi. My name is Sam. I carry my vacuum everywhere I go. His name is Beaner. Beaner has these wicked little claws that come out from under him whenever I find one a’ those pesky Snow-Mamas in my yard. Beaner gets the job done right, too. No prisoners, ohhhh no.
Like this one time, a Snow-Mama and her child had made refuge in the east corner of my front yard. I think that damn neighbor kid Henry might have made ’em. Bastard. Anyways, I fired up ol’ Beaner and dismembered that Snow-Mama.
Her child was awfully cute though, so I had my way with her. Repeatedly. In my yard. In the middle of December. She kept screaming, “Stop! Get away!, but I think that was just because when I switched to doggy-style, she caught a glimpse of her mother’s puddle on the ground. She’ll get over it though. They always do.
Hi my name is Sam. And I rape Snow-Babies.
I remember this one time, I think I was like 9 or 10 years old. I had this awesome toy chest that I put all my toys inside of. It even had a sweet little lock on the front part. Well, one night I dug all my toys out and attempted to climb inside. Notta; I was too big. So of course I go and get my brother.
He fit perfectly with about an inch to spare in each corner. “K, now let me shut it”, I remember telling him. So I shut it, and locked it as well. About 5 seconds in, he started freaking out cuz I had overlooked the fact that my nifty chest had no air circulation when closed. Well, whenever you applied pressure from the bottom up, the lock tightened, cuz that’s just the way it was designed. So there he was, screaming and suffocating, while I helplessly screamed back at him, “Stop moving!!!” Finally, I realized I wasn’t strong enough to get him out, so I ran and got Dad. He seriously took one pull to get Austin out. There Austin sat, all red and crying, and me, pretty much the same.
I remember Dad was pissed at me the rest of the evening, and so was Mom. So I wrapped my bed sheet around me and slept behind my bedroom door that night. I’m still not sure why. I think I was trying to punish myself for what I put my brother through by not allowing myself to sleep on the bed. Genius. Bahaha!
Yer in class taking a test. Since it’s a test, the room is dead silent. Yer cell phone goes off, ringing really loud cuz you forgot to put it on silent. You look up to see how pissed yer professor is, and he’s holding his cell phone up to his ear, mouthing you the words “Pick it up.” So you answer and he says in a real calm voice, “The answer to number 6 is A. Love you.” Then he hangs up.