The Color Of Hunger

Good god, it’s almost been a year since I’ve put pen to paper. Too long.

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I think I’m gonna be more of a blogger’s blogger now tho. My urge to write hasn’t been quite as strong as I’d like to have it. So to make up for it, there shall be more pictures, more videos, more pictures, more links, more of my incomplete thoughts and babblings. More variety. Share my world with the rest of the world. Maybe that urge will return if I sink more time into this blog. Which I’m planning to of course. Outlining to. (“Plans” should not be a word in the dictionary. They are outlines and that’s all they will ever be unless they’ve been completed, in which case they are now memories.)
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Last night was a goooood motherfuckin’ night. Our Wednesday’s consist of one destination. A sushi restaurant in the heart of downtown Spokane called The Wave. They bring two or three DJ’s who call their parties T.A.S.T.Y., making themselves the only legit 18+ club. For one night a week…haha. It’s good for me tho because my three best friends are all underage. (And I can’t explain how frustrating it is to have them that way. “Let’s go get druuu- oh wait.” In good time tho. As seen below.)
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I absolutely love going out. I do, I do, I do. With my girls, my guys, with anybody down for a good time really. It gives me such an awesome sense of appreciation for my life. Everything’s alive, everybody’s moving, the lights are crazy, the music is happy. Each night is so unique, too. You never get the same thing. And I think that’s why I love it as much as I do. I’m constantly looking for something new, something different, to stimulate that creative side of me. I’m always down for an alternate method of thinking, yu know?  And when I find it, I can’t get enough of it.

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Definitely a confident one. There’s nothing sexier than a person who refuses to give a fuck. Male, female, gay, straight, old, young. I don’t care what you are, it’s gotta be there. Anything you do in life, big or small, having belief in yerself makes other people believe in you. You could be completely wrong about something, but if you go strong with it, people follow.

This coincides with humor as well. I wanna be able to laugh at the mistakes I make. To not be embarrassed or judged by all the stupid shit I do. To just be real with it. Know that I fucked up now, but hey, I’ll get that shit next time fer sure.

Money and looks have never been that significant to me. I see them as more of an added bonus to the overall package. Something that should never be a deciding factor in the future of a relationship. Sure, having a six figure bank account makes life easy as fuck, but living check by check forces you to be that much stronger of a person.

1 HOW DID YOU HEAR ABOUT CASTING?

Found you guys on Facebook, of course. Almost 3 million fans is quite impressive!

2 WHO IS YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?

I’m employed by a company called The Paradies Shops. Which are pretty much gift and bookstores located in airports around the United States. My location is GEG (Spokane, WA).

3 WHAT IS THE NEXT MILESTONE IN YOUR LIFE IF YOU DO NOT MAKE THE SHOW?

I was thinking maybe becoming president of a huge company. Even though I’m 20 with absolutely no management experience. Maybe Microsoft’ll take me in, maybe Levi’s yu know. But naw, I don’t really like people that much. So perhaps I’ll go to college (haven’t been yet) and become some crazy-rich animal specialist instead. Yea, that sounds pretty milestone-ish.

4 WHAT SPORTS ORGANIZATIONS HAVE YOU BEEN A MEMBER OF?

I’m actually a pretty good athlete. I was voted by my coaches and fellow teammates as tri-athlete of the year for my high school. The requirements being I had to be involved in a sport all three tri-mesters, all four years I attended. Volleyball, basketball, track. That was me. By the time junior year came around, I was varsity in all three. High point in my life so far.

5 WHAT WOULD YOUR FRIENDS SAY ARE YOUR BEST QUALITIES?

I’m one of the most positive people you’ll meet. I find humor in everything I do. I tend to get along with different personalities fairly easily because of this. I’m often told that I have nice hair and a pretty smile.

6 WHAT WOULD YOUR FRIENDS SAY ARE YOUR WORST QUALITIES?

I have a hard time taking serious stuff seriously. I’m not very good at giving advice because I’m not very good at taking it. Also, I always forget to call people back. You can’t just leave me one voice mail. You gotta leave like three and a few texts.

7 HOW ARE YOU COMPETITIVE IN YOUR EVERY DAY LIFE?

Small things always count. Speeding to get that front parking spot before anybody else sees it, sinking the crumpled up piece of paper in the wastebasket TWENTY feet away rather than a weak ten, finishing my Panda Express quicker than the rest of the family in order to have a good choice on the fortune cookies. I’m usually the passionate one who fights to get somewhere, but I never get there. Or there’s nowhere to get to. I cherish the struggle though. I’d rather try super hard to reach an unachievable goal than not try at all.

8 HAVE YOU HAD ANY EXPERIENCES THAT HAVE TRAUMATIZED YOU?
IF YES, PLEASE EXPLAIN:

When I was younger, I plugged in my desk lamp in the outlet under my bed and got shocked really bad. Sparks flew everywhere and it made this ugly ‘POP’ sound. The mattress almost caught on fire. I just sat there and cried for like five minutes before self control kicked in. Another traumatic experience was when my brother fell down our spiral staircase in his walker. I’ve never looked at those things the same since then.

9 WHAT IS YOUR UNIQUE MOTIVATION FOR WANTING TO COMPETE ON THE SHOW?

I wanna put my body on the line for money. That’s basically my sole inspiration. If somebody’s willing to pay me 50 g’s to be on a TV show where you run through obstacles and don’t have to answer any questions, or be smarter than any 5th graders, then I’m there. Sign me UP.

10 HOW WOULD YOU USE YOUR WIPEOUT WINNINGS?

I’d actually invest in some college. I’ve always wanted to go somewhere with my creative side, but never really had the chance or tools to do so. I figure school might get me closer to this goal.

11 IF YOU WERE GOING TO PEOPLE MAGAZINE,
WHAT INSIDE INFO ABOUT YOU WOULD BE PUT UP NEXT TO YOUR PICTURE?

I would make sure to have them mention that I can make five-course meals using only a toaster and a butter knife. Also, that my shoe size is a women’s 12.

12 DESCRIBE YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT:

I’ve had a lot, so it’s hard to pick out a certain one, but I do remember losing my tampon going down the slide at Splashdown, the local water park. It was within the first month of ‘becoming a woman’ for me, and EVERYBODY and their mom saw me floating down the Big Dipper grabbing desperately for the stray sanitary napkin in front of me. It was so bad.

13 WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST THING ABOUT YOU?

The fact that I weighed 11.2 pounds at birth. Or maybe that I’ve never seen the movie Grease or JAWS or Indiana Jones.

14 WHAT OTHER REALITY TV SHOWS HAVE YOU APPLIED FOR?
LIST THE SHOWS AND MONTH/YEAR:

None. This is the first show I’ve always REALLY wanted to be on. Hint hintidy hint hint hint.

Almost missed the bus this morning. Drove the whole three blocks to the South Hill Park & Ride, got there, parked in the front row, and realized I was minus my Iphone. FAIL. Key player in these gas-is-three-fuckin’-fifty-a-gallon-so-let’s-hop-a-bus days. Sooo, I haul booty back to the apartment, grab the goods, and haul booty forward again. Luckily, I made it. But not without sprinting madly from the ass-end of the parking lot because apparently I was too slow for the front spot I had held less than two minutes ago.

Grrr. God, I hate doing that. I hate rushing my life. Waving my hands up in the air, stuff in both of ’em, running abnormally because my damn sack pack distributes weight unevenly across my back. Knowing that every single person sitting on that bus is staring  at the retard stumbling towards them. Haha! Okay, maybe that’s a bit drastic, but still, I’m a much bigger fan of taking my time as compared to rushing it. Obviously.

Last night, I hung out with one of my best friends growing up. Megon Witter. This girl is totally unique. Nothing you’d expect by simply looking at her. She’s one of those people born with a lisp. But instead of it being on her lips, it’s inside her head. But I mean that in the nicest possible way. Haha. Honestly tho. She doesn’t think about stuff the same as you or me. Like, the whole picture is there, but when you get down to the specifics, you gotta wonder what thought process led her to thinking what she just thought. It’s cool shit. Haha.

Anyways, it was fun. We didn’t really do much, just talked and caught up on shit. Which is awesome. I like the chill atmosphere that comes with that. No having to impress anybody, no having to defend yer opinions. Just straight…chillin’. Groovyness. Mmmhmm.

Gatherings of  modest raindrops make their way across November skies.
Staggering south as the wind blows. Hard.
55 now. Hugging pavement. Between all the lines.
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Remains of your reflection loitering in my rear-view.
My eyes begin to leak with curiosity.
A fragile sensation.
Pupils go numb. So stuck on staring at yours. Through yours.
The answers caught beneath the irises. Such pretty irises.
So perfect.
So neat.
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Yet who am I to be the judge of that?
I suppose I will never know; I cannot see from the inside-out.
So I remain silent.
Sometimes not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world.
Mind over matter, fucking with these filthy feelings.
But feeling fucks back.
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A witch with a massive, black book of ugly, mean spells.
Cast upon unsuspecting souls.
360’s on the spinal cord.
A spiral staircase of white.
There is no escape.
There is no end.
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The over.whelm.ing

S…C…E…N…T of Sharpie tickles my IMAGINATION.

My palms begin to feel…magnetic-tic-tik-tic (toc?) against this pad of paper.

(+)Positive versus (-)negative.

The pull

increasing

as reality descends.
Sweating now.

¡NO TIME! to initiate a thought process.

Bundles of recycled creativity leave me longing for more.

More of…
(…)….anything….(…)….everything….(…)….all at once….(…)

No one can touch ME.

My veins pump quick with energy, my blood a thick, rich red.
People stare yet keep to themselves.

Their
eyes dance with FEAR
as
my mind is thoroughly examined.

Skin cold, lungs numb; curiosity makes the pupils twitch.
A backwards breast stroke beneath a background of brilliant blue.
∞(.I see you.)∞
But please, no need for the negatives. Touch me, feel me, but don’t be afraid.
Uniquely Different.

FUCK routine.

I am a superhero of sorts without all those superpowers.
My heart is warm; shared sympathy never bitter.
WELCOME TO MY WORLD.

I suppose I am happy here. I suppose I belong. Bright moments contracting dull.

Life is art and I am the artist. Crouched behind that big wooden easel.

My paintbrush…

A

L

I

V

E

with so many colors.

So much FrEeDoM.

Mind racing (racing) with opportunity; fingers can’t keep up.

Perspiration via motivation. The cologne of accomplishment.

The paper softens as I progress. Happy mistakes litter the page now.

Along-with-hundreds-of-inches-of-leeway. Ahhh, leeway.

My brain seems…bruised…with numb surprise.

Cleverly disguised in white, I suggest, ‘Perhaps, a different wardrobe?’

BLUES
ORANGES
GREENS
REDS

Everything just sort of connects/blends/combines.

I’m left to smile at these results.

Today, I cannot STOP smiling.

All this awesomeness is making my face hurt.

[.Yup.]

=] ♣ [=

Wow. Today my blog has reached the 1,000 views milestone. This, is pretty fucking awesome considering I write about only once a month. And when I do it’s usually nonsense. Like that last sentence. And this one. And this one as well. Haha.

Hmmm, what’s new in my life? Absolutely nothing. Haha, just kidding. About a month ago I purchased my very first car. A red 1995 Chrysler LeBaron convertible. 118,500 miles. $2,300 cash.

I LOVE IT.


On the 20th of August, my two best friends and I took a road trip down to Oregon to visit a friend of ours who’s gonna be a freshman this year at Portland State University. Was the funniest trip EVER.


Saturday morning, we rode the MAX down to the street markets taking place in the heart of downtown Portland. It’s rather strange how the bigger the city gets, the meaner the people become. Everybody is always in everybody else’s way. All the time. And then you got SO many different personalities. The artists, the pessimists, the shy people, the confident. It’s incredible.


There was this artist on one of the corners who drew all of her pictures with numbers. Millions of different sizes of numbers. All blended together to create one huge image. It reminded me of pixels on a TV. I can only imagine how patient/dedicated/passionate you’d hafta be to finish just ONE of her pieces. The creativity behind ’em was very inspiring.


Sunday afternoon, we headed out to Cannon Beach. I cannot describe in words how fucking awesome it is to drive the 101 in a convertible. The weather couldn’t have been better either. When we got to the beach it was low 80’s with no wind and clear skies as far as the eye could see. The sun made the humidity almost unnoticeable. The ocean was still hella cold tho. HELLA cold. But that didn’t stop us from getting in. Of course not, duh.


Halibut was dinner, salt water taffy was dessert. After the sun disappeared, we grabbed sleeping bags from the trunk and slept right on the sand. Under hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of shiny white stars. T’was amazing. You know those moments in life where time is no longer a factor and nothing troublesome exists anymore, nothing bad can happen anywhere remotely close to where you are? Hakuna matata? Well, that night was my moment. Replay it a thousand times and it STILL would be just as exciting as the first.


However, all good things must come to an end. Mr. Reality must return sometime, right? Haha. So we took a final stroll down the beach and headed home. Eastbound Spokane, 350 miles. Amen.

=]

Spokane, WA. 26 years young. Aquarius, of course. I am a very optimistic individual driven by passion and creativity. Music is my inspiration to everything. I dig the nightlife. I enjoy discovering new craft beers and breweries. I like animals more than humans. The ocean is amazing. I have no idea what I wanna do with my life and prolly never will. But I'm going to succeed because I'm crazy enough to think I can.
June 2017
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