The Color Of Hunger

Archive for the ‘Other Random Shit’ Category

period: WAKE UP ASSHOLE, YOU GOT CRAMPS.

period: How bout an entire chocolate cake for breakfast?

period: How’s that back pain? Feeling better? Let’s fix that.

period: Corneas glance by a Glamour magazine on the table. Instantly horny.

period: Find a cookie as big as a house and eat it.

period: See a male specimen of any kind. Instantly horny.

period: Where’s your Tic Tac box filled with Ibuprofen?

period: Got things to do? Don’t care. Sleep.

period: For dinner you’re eating an entire bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

period: Breeze blows by. Instantly horny.

period: You didn’t like those brand new underwear right?

period: Yell at a puppy.

period: Close eyes and wait for the repeat of today, tomorrow.

1 HOW DID YOU HEAR ABOUT CASTING?

Found you guys on Facebook, of course. Almost 3 million fans is quite impressive!

2 WHO IS YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?

I’m employed by a company called The Paradies Shops. Which are pretty much gift and bookstores located in airports around the United States. My location is GEG (Spokane, WA).

3 WHAT IS THE NEXT MILESTONE IN YOUR LIFE IF YOU DO NOT MAKE THE SHOW?

I was thinking maybe becoming president of a huge company. Even though I’m 20 with absolutely no management experience. Maybe Microsoft’ll take me in, maybe Levi’s yu know. But naw, I don’t really like people that much. So perhaps I’ll go to college (haven’t been yet) and become some crazy-rich animal specialist instead. Yea, that sounds pretty milestone-ish.

4 WHAT SPORTS ORGANIZATIONS HAVE YOU BEEN A MEMBER OF?

I’m actually a pretty good athlete. I was voted by my coaches and fellow teammates as tri-athlete of the year for my high school. The requirements being I had to be involved in a sport all three tri-mesters, all four years I attended. Volleyball, basketball, track. That was me. By the time junior year came around, I was varsity in all three. High point in my life so far.

5 WHAT WOULD YOUR FRIENDS SAY ARE YOUR BEST QUALITIES?

I’m one of the most positive people you’ll meet. I find humor in everything I do. I tend to get along with different personalities fairly easily because of this. I’m often told that I have nice hair and a pretty smile.

6 WHAT WOULD YOUR FRIENDS SAY ARE YOUR WORST QUALITIES?

I have a hard time taking serious stuff seriously. I’m not very good at giving advice because I’m not very good at taking it. Also, I always forget to call people back. You can’t just leave me one voice mail. You gotta leave like three and a few texts.

7 HOW ARE YOU COMPETITIVE IN YOUR EVERY DAY LIFE?

Small things always count. Speeding to get that front parking spot before anybody else sees it, sinking the crumpled up piece of paper in the wastebasket TWENTY feet away rather than a weak ten, finishing my Panda Express quicker than the rest of the family in order to have a good choice on the fortune cookies. I’m usually the passionate one who fights to get somewhere, but I never get there. Or there’s nowhere to get to. I cherish the struggle though. I’d rather try super hard to reach an unachievable goal than not try at all.

8 HAVE YOU HAD ANY EXPERIENCES THAT HAVE TRAUMATIZED YOU?
IF YES, PLEASE EXPLAIN:

When I was younger, I plugged in my desk lamp in the outlet under my bed and got shocked really bad. Sparks flew everywhere and it made this ugly ‘POP’ sound. The mattress almost caught on fire. I just sat there and cried for like five minutes before self control kicked in. Another traumatic experience was when my brother fell down our spiral staircase in his walker. I’ve never looked at those things the same since then.

9 WHAT IS YOUR UNIQUE MOTIVATION FOR WANTING TO COMPETE ON THE SHOW?

I wanna put my body on the line for money. That’s basically my sole inspiration. If somebody’s willing to pay me 50 g’s to be on a TV show where you run through obstacles and don’t have to answer any questions, or be smarter than any 5th graders, then I’m there. Sign me UP.

10 HOW WOULD YOU USE YOUR WIPEOUT WINNINGS?

I’d actually invest in some college. I’ve always wanted to go somewhere with my creative side, but never really had the chance or tools to do so. I figure school might get me closer to this goal.

11 IF YOU WERE GOING TO PEOPLE MAGAZINE,
WHAT INSIDE INFO ABOUT YOU WOULD BE PUT UP NEXT TO YOUR PICTURE?

I would make sure to have them mention that I can make five-course meals using only a toaster and a butter knife. Also, that my shoe size is a women’s 12.

12 DESCRIBE YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT:

I’ve had a lot, so it’s hard to pick out a certain one, but I do remember losing my tampon going down the slide at Splashdown, the local water park. It was within the first month of ‘becoming a woman’ for me, and EVERYBODY and their mom saw me floating down the Big Dipper grabbing desperately for the stray sanitary napkin in front of me. It was so bad.

13 WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST THING ABOUT YOU?

The fact that I weighed 11.2 pounds at birth. Or maybe that I’ve never seen the movie Grease or JAWS or Indiana Jones.

14 WHAT OTHER REALITY TV SHOWS HAVE YOU APPLIED FOR?
LIST THE SHOWS AND MONTH/YEAR:

None. This is the first show I’ve always REALLY wanted to be on. Hint hintidy hint hint hint.

(My best friend Bree and her step-mom remodeled their downstairs bathroom about a week before New Year’s. It looks really nice and smells even nicer. So I was forced to write her an appreciation letter.)

Written on December 31st, 2009 during the trip down to Tri-Cities.

Dear Sue,
 
I am totally diggin’ the new look of yer bathroom. The shades of brown, like, make the place come alive. I half-expected the toilet to wish me a happy new year after doing my business in there this morning. In fact, my whole day was instantly made ten times better just by stepping foot in there. The sheer awesomeness of the interior blindsided me, like when people answer the ‘how are you’ question in the negative. I actually forgot what I went in there for in the first place. But then I remembered. It’s a good thing I chose yer bathroom over the upstairs one, too. It was the most peaceful pot experience yet; I became one with the toilet. It was quite magical.
 
Hopefully, I’ll have a bathroom like yers when I get to heaven. If God cuts me short on this one, I’m gonna be super pissed. Even if my afterlife consists of a gigantic mansion with built-in elevators and an indoor football field, it wouldn’t be the same with just a ‘normal’ bathroom. Life (or afterlife, I guess) would suck. If God gave me the choice of having the mansion or having a bathroom like yers, I’d pick the bathroom, no question.
 
Hell, I’d even be content living in there. You bet yer ass I would. Pshh, screw the mansion, I got me Sue’s bathroom. Sure the bathtub wouldn’t be the most comfortable choice for a bed, and I suppose starvation would kill me off after a few days, but until then I’d be a pretty happy kid. A pretty happy kid indeed.
 
Sincerely,
Me

Dear Potential Employer,

Hello there, my name is Bryanna Pavlish. I am an unemployed 18 year old (two weeks until I’m 19) who cannot seem to find a job to save my life. Seriously.

I’ve been through countless interviews, (Longhorn BBQ, Subway, Northern Quest, Screen Tag, Rocky Mt. Chocolate Factory, Oz Fitness — just to name a few), but all employers seem to care about these days is the amount of experience their potential employee has. This sucks. All throughout high school, I was involved in sports. Proud Tri-Athlete Of The Year for Cheney High School, Class of 09′, in fact. The busy schedule I had with all the practices and weird game times made it impossible for me to get a job. Nobody wanted a young kid who was still in high school with zero flexibility. And who could blame them? The summer after graduation (last summer) I started working for a company called Regal Security. I was a door to door sales person who advertised/sold home security systems. Not the easiest first job, but I loved my co-workers and really enjoyed what I did. However, it was only a seasonal position, thus leaving me where I am now – unemployed.

I’m tired of replying to blind postings that I later find out to be spam. I’m tired of wasting my time with bogus sales positions with weak commission rates. I’m tired of Mom waking me up everyday, asking me if I’m going job hunting or not. But most of all, I’m tired of witnessing lazy employees who could give a rip less about their job, knowing damn well that I could be putting way more potential into my work than they currently are.

I actually WANT to work. I’m not FORCED to, like some people who depend on their salary to support their families and pay their bills. (God bless those people, this economy is nuts.) I can go on and on about how hard of a worker I am, how great I work with others, how I’m always on time, blah blah BLAH. But why would I waste my time doing that? EVERYBODY and their mom puts that stuff on the resume. So, I have no choice but to tell the truth and attempt to describe myself differently than everybody else in this melting pot of jobless individuals better known as “Spokane/Washington/America/The World”. Here goes nothin’.

I live at home, going back and forth between mom’s house and dad’s. I don’t have any bills, no school, and certainly no kids. I do have a valid drivers license, but no car. I get to my destinations by city bus. I can tell you almost every route without even having to look at an STA pamphlet. I am not a methhead and will never ever come to work hungover. If I do show up late, I’ll tell you exactly the reason why, straight up, and won’t try to BS you with how my car wouldn’t start, or how my dog was sick, or how Grandma died earlier that day. A wise man once told me to never ruin an apology with an excuse. I live by these words and have yet to cross them. Blaming fellow co-workers for a mistake that I caused is overrated and will always come back to get me, which is why honesty IS the best policy.

I love humor and finding something to laugh about in everything that I do. Make a joke, and I promise I’ll laugh with you, even if it’s not remotely funny. Writing will always be a passion of mine, and I’m actually quite good at it. I absolutely love expressing my views through a pencil and a piece of paper. I do have my own blog. It’s a work in progress, but I can’t complain over what I have so far. Pretty much everything you wanted to know about me is on there and then some.

I’m a big believer in positive attitudes. If you don’t got one, get one. It’s as simple as that. People don’t wanna talk or listen to a girl who hates her job and openly shows it. Heck no. Personality is a key factor in living a successful and happy life, and first impressions will always be remembered, whether they’re fair or not. I consider myself to be a pretty smart kid, who listens when spoken to and follows directions thoroughly and correctly. If I have any questions about what I’m being told to do, I won’t hesitate to ask. Believe me, I love asking questions and applying logic and sense to stuff I don’t fully understand. It’s fun, and learning new things is always fun for me.

I don’t really have any special skills and I won’t try making any up either. I do know a little Spanish thanks to two years of it in high school and can carry on a basic conversation with you, if you speak slow enough. I can type about 40 wpm and photo editing with programs such as Ifranview, Picasa 3, and Microsoft Photo Editor is a passionate hobby of mine. I’m a very athletic person, so prolonged periods on my feet, or heavy lifting wouldn’t be a problem. Pets are awesome. I’m a big animal lover and anything to do with them makes me love life a little bit more each time. My job as a door to door sales person left me with a lot of confidence, so I’m always up for a challenge. If I had to pick one thing that I’m not good at, I’d have to say confrontation. Patience is one of my better characteristics by far, but I hate arguing with someone and I hate having to choose sides. It just makes everything complicated and leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

I truly don’t care where I end up working at this point, so long as I have an hourly wage. Commission was great, but definetly had its downfalls. Please, if yer still reading this, hire me. Just do it. You won’t be disappointed, I promise. I will work my ass off and be happy doing it. I’m so sick of job hunting and getting nowhere. It’s so frustrating taking the time to revise my resume, write a cover letter, go to the place that’s hiring, and turn it all in, just to be beat out by the next guy who’s older than me and possesses more experience than I do. Even if it’s just volunteer stuff at first, put me to work. I’m begging you.

Sincerely ~ Me

Dear Hershey’s,

Earlier today, some of my good friends and I were watching TV and chowing down on a bag of your amazing Mauna Loa Kisses (the ones with the macadamia nuts). I seriously love these things. Like, you have no idea. If Jesus had to suddenly morph into chocolate form, he’d be one of these, hands down. You know how when you see something sour and yer brain automatically starts making extra saliva to compensate for that sour, even before putting it in yer mouth? That’s what mine does, except for the “sour” part is replaced by an overwhelming “omg, there’s that Jesus chocolate again!” part.

Anyways, we got about halfway down the bag and I noticed I was coming across more and more ‘nutless kisses’. Once I realized what was happening, I began to slowly die a little on the  inside. Those nuts are like the ying to my yang, man. The headphones to the Ipod, water to the vitamins. Take them out of the mix and it’s like trying to draw sky without the blue crayon.

I ended up finding eleven out of the thirty kisses that we ate to be minus their nuts. I secretly fought back tears of disappointment looking at the empty blue wrappers littering the table. “Are you crying?” My friend asked me this in a wave of confusion as I stood up quickly. I managed to answer her in brief stutters and half sentences followed by a muffled, “I’ll be right back.” I immediately made a mad dash for the bathroom and haven’t come out since. I’m currently huddled in the bathtub, writing this as you read it, shaken and still in shock from my current candy condition. I ask you this now, in regards to future Mauna Loa lovers and dedicated Hershey’s fans like myself. Please don’t skimp out on the macadamians this year. They complete me.

Happy Holidays To You And Yers,

Bryanna Pavlish


Spokane, WA. 26 years young. Aquarius, of course. I am a very optimistic individual driven by passion and creativity. Music is my inspiration to everything. I dig the nightlife. I enjoy discovering new craft beers and breweries. I like animals more than humans. The ocean is amazing. I have no idea what I wanna do with my life and prolly never will. But I'm going to succeed because I'm crazy enough to think I can.
May 2017
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